Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dam of Tears

Glad I make sense to you guys even when I don't make sense to myself!! Lol.

I'm having a tough day girls. I'm missing my family a lot right now. Even though my sister is coming out in just 13 days, I'm having a hard time getting excited about Christmas since I won't be with my family. Stephen and I don't buy gifts for each other so I'll have nothing to unwrap but it's not just the presents, it's the not being there. Last Christmas we weren't there since we went to South Dakota to see Stephen's mom. I haven't gone back for Thanksgiving in a few years (mainly because I don't get the Friday after off and flying around then is even worse than flying around Christmas). We decided this year to not go anywhere for Christmas and just do our own thing which will be nice but I can't help wishing I was with my family.

This time of year is always hard for me because it's when I miss my grandpa the most. Holidays were always so much fun when grandpa was alive...he was always smiling and laughing. I think what I miss the most isn't necessarily holidays with the family but holidays with the family when grandpa was alive.

I'm trying to just look forward to seeing my sis and be excited about that but it hit me this morning how homesick I am to see my family. And it doesn't help that the weather has been gloomy and rainy the last two days and is supposed to stay that way for several more.

As soon as I started typing this post, I started crying. I've been doing so well at holding back these emotions but once I put the tiny hole in the dam, the water just came pouring out...and I even spent extra time doing my eye liner and shadow this morning.

It's obvious I need a mental health day so I'm going to leave work (after only being here an hour), go home and maybe go to a movie that Stephen doesn't want to see or get a mani/pedi or hang out at home watching Anne of Green Gables...just do something for myself today.

I know this has nothing to do with exercise or weight loss but one thing I know is that mental and emotional health is just as important as physical health.


Jen said...

Absolutely do something for yourself today!! It sounds like you need it!!!

Can't you guys break your no gifts rule for situations like this??? I don't know how I would handle a Christmas away from family...I would probably just cling to anything that makes it feel like Christmas...maybe make a plan to go get each other something small...string up some lights and spend the day snuggled on the couch watching Christmas movies with a box of tissues (I seriously cry at almost every Christmas movie...I cry at the grinch...I cry at Charlie Brown...seriously)

Sara said...

It is definitely hard, especially missing someone during this time. I definitely know how you feel since Christmas isn't the same without my Grandfather or Nana. Especially since my Grandfather died on Dec 22nd so it is tough. But it is life. And when it isn't something you can really change then it is all more important to spend the time caring for yourself by crying and doing something special. So I hope today is the remedy you need!

Lynn said...


Amy said...

I feel for you babe. I really do.

I did the EXACT same thing on Saturday night. I had an Amy night, and even watched Anne of Green Gables! It was delightful. I cannot lie.


chandra said...

Sorry I'm a day late commenting on this, but I had to respond!! Mental health days are SO necessary sometimes.

And I understand how you're feeling. I, once again, cannot go home for Christmas this year either. I usually end up with some friend to spend it with, but this year for the first time ever I will be all alone on Christmas eve and day. I'm not sure how I'll handle it yet. Just wanted you to know you're not "alone with being alone" this christmas.