A Colossal Post

To tell you a bit more about my unexpected performance evaluation...

Just as a bit of background, the last two years I've received an "outstanding" rating and my boss has never said anything negative about my work. It's always, "you're doing great, keep up the good work", pat on the back type thing. I've been promoted both years and have received a bonus each time. Last Thursday when I went into his office, I was completely blindsided. I received a "commendable" rating and was told that I wasn't going to be promoted (~$10,000 more per year) but that I was still going to receive a bonus. My written evaluation, which goes into my permanent personnel file, was full of negative comments (I take too long to do projects, I'm not engaged in my work, I don't communicate).

So I took the weekend and came up with what I wanted done. My biggest concern was that this is my last performance evaluation at my current job since I'm on the last year of my contract and it's full of negative things. So there's no way I can show improvement and have it documented. Also, my boss said that he's received these comments about my work in the past two years but he just now brought it up. Why wouldn't he bring up these concerns earlier in my job instead of waiting for the last year??

Anyways, I could go on and on about how wrong I thought the evaluation was...not just the way it was handled but also the negative comments that were said. The one that is the most odd to me is the "I don't communicate" comment because just last year the remark on my evaluation was that "I'm excellent at communication."

So I spoke to my boss yesterday (which is huge deal for me b/c I hate confrontation but knew if I didn't stand up for myself no one else would and I didn't have anything to lose) and told him my concerns and he agreed to take the negative comments out of my written evaluation with the understanding that those were things I need to work on. I could've argued with him about that but I'm somewhat satisfied with the more positive written evaluation. I've got a whole laundry list of complaints regarding this organization to air on my final day when I do my exit interview. And I'll be honest, I take everything my boss said in the performance evaluation with a huge grain of salt. Technically, he's my boss but he has no idea what I do day to day and the only time we speak is for my performance evaluation. He has to rely on what others tell him to even come up with the evaluation.

Just a reminder of how much I need to find a different job. I'm still pissed about the way my evaluation went but I'm using that as fuel to find a different job.

As soon as I had taken care of that yesterday afternoon, I got pulled into an argument between my sister and dad. So I've got to call my dad this evening and (stand up for myself again) tell him to leave me out of it since he's the one that pulled me into it and now is mad at me b/c I won't make my sister do something. Lovely. Family and the holidays don't mix well sometimes.

In happier news (yes! please!), I ran 10 miles this weekend! I was scheduled to do 12 but it was a very cold and windy day so I was satisfied with 10. Oh, but something sad did happen...my MP3 player died at mile 8. It's gone...completely worn out. It won't even turn on or anything now. So I've got to complete my last couple of weeks of training without tunes but it's not as hard as I thought it would be. The budget's tight right now since we're moving into a new place (on Thursday!!) so I can't just run out and buy a new one but I should be able to do something around Christmas. I'm thinking the iPhone...my contract on my phone is up and the iPhone would be fantastic to have when I'm running b/c I could have my tunes but also have my phone with me in case something happened. Thoughts??

Well, this is long enough (whew!) so I'll be quiet now.

Something Quick

I'm working from home today...I had a very rough day at work yesterday. Everything was going well until my performace evaluation in the afternoon. I was blindsided with the fact that I'm not getting promoted or getting a raise...I had been led to believe that I was going to get both. I was (and am) extremely upset so I'm taking the weekend to gather my thoughts and then I'm going in to see my boss on Monday. There are several discrepancies between this year's evaluation and the last two years' and I have a lot of questions and concerns about some things that could be going into my permanent personnel file. I'll talk more about it Monday but right now I"m upset and I'm trying not to focus too much on it.

Thursday's Things to Love

1) This is my 200th post!!

2) plus3network.com: Sara posted about this the other day but it's a fantastic site!! Essentially, your workouts raise money for different causes. Awesome!

3) Quantum of Solace. We went to see it yesterday afternoon. I love me some Daniel Craig! Stephen almost made me change seats so I wasn't sitting next to him because apparently, I kept sighing when Bond was on the screen. But the movie itself is really good...both Stephen and I liked it. We snuck in a bottle of wine (with a screwtop) and the movie wasn't crowded at all.

4) Taylor Swift's new album, Fearless. Her songs are very girly but I love them.

5) The Body Shop's Body Butter. My skin gets so dry in the winter and this is the only thing that keeps it feeling soft plus they smell amazing!

6) Running...but you guys already knew that!!

No menu today...I've got a weird attitude towards food right now (nothing sounds good at all).

"In Training" for Life

I'm so excited! I got my "In Training for Las Vegas Marathon" tshirt yesterday!! Of course, I had to go for a run this morning proudly wearing my shirt!! I'm such a dork but I'm so excited by this shirt...it makes it even more official!! Stephen was trying to talk me into giving the shirt to him (b/c it is a bit too big for me) but there's no way I'm doing that...this shirt means too much to me. For years I thought that there was no way I could be a runner...I weigh too much, I'm not in shape, parts of my body jiggle when I run, blah, blah, blah, blah. It wasn't one event that changed my mind but at some point I told that voice in the back of my head to shut the hell up, I started running and look at me now...I'm training for my first ever race. Awww, I'm tearing up right now. It's just a stupid shirt to everyone else but to me it's a symbol of how far I've come over conquering all the negative things I used to (and occasionally still) say to myself.

I wore that shirt with pride this morning. I may be slower than other runners but I got out there this morning when it was 25 degrees F and ran. There were parts when my sore legs were not happy but I finished with a smile, a clear head, and an absolute sense of pride about what I can accomplish when I just try.

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."~John Bingham

Today's Plan:
Activity: 5.5 mile run
PreRun: Odwalla Super Protein Bar
Breakfast: 1/3 cup oatmeal, 1/6 cup raisins, 1 banana, 1 1/2 tbsp PB
Lunch: I brought 1/2 turkey and hummus sammie and broccoli but I'm not really feeling it so I might grab Subway or something else
Snacks (if needed): popcorn, orange
Dinner: Homemade creamy tomato soup, grilled cheese, salad

The bad and the good

My weekend was bad and good. Friday started off well enough (including yoga and weights) but Friday evening ended badly. I don't want to share too much about it (I'm still working it all out in my head) but suffice it to say, Stephen said something I felt was extremely hurtful and unsupportive but he thinks he was just being honest. He told me that he doesn't think I should try to run a full marathon (after my half is over in December) when I weigh 190 lbs. He thinks it would be too hard on my joints, especially the knees. I took it as him saying that he didn't believe in me which led to me crying in the restaurant where we were having this conversation. I understand what he was trying to say...I don't think running a full marathon weighing 190 lbs is a great idea either but I'm not waiting around until I lose weight to do something. It really brought back all these emotions of when I was younger and my dad would doubt everything I did or put me down. I understand having doubts about someone's abilities but you shouldn't always say what you're thinking. Just because you think something (whether it's true or not) doesn't mean it needs to come out of your mouth.

Friday night I didn't sleep well at all but Saturday morning I still managed to spend some time at the gym. Then Saturday we did some more running around and spent some time talking about Friday evening's conversation. He apologized and we're better now...I don't know that I've forgiven him 100% yet but I'm still working it out in my head and trying to separate what Stephen said from what my dad used to do.

But on to the good part...I ran 11 miles yesterday!! Woohoo!! It took me two hours and 35 minutes (for a blistering 13:40 minute mile pace). This time I remembered my fuel belt and had 10 oz of water, 10 oz of G2 and jelly beans with me. I used the jelly beans about half way through and drank the water and G2 whenever I felt like I needed it. The bottom of my feet were extremely sore last night...I got up to go to the bathroom around 2 in the morning and it felt like I was walking on needles. But this morning they don't hurt anymore. My thighs are a little sore but it's mainly when I've been sitting for a while so I've been trying to remember to get up from my desk and walk or stretch every hour. I'm going to do about an hour long walk today just to keep the blood circulating in my legs.

Today's Plan:
Activity: 1 hour walk at lunch
Breakfast: 1/2 cup oatmeal, 1/3 cup cranberries, 1 banana, 1 tbsp PB
Lunch: 3 cups spaghetti squash with 1 cup spaghetti sauce, 1 Rachel's yogurt
Snacks (if needed): popcorn, orange
Dinner: Sun Dried Tomato Burgers, Roasted Potatoes, Green beans

It's been so long!

Wow...it's been so long since I've posted!! The conference went really well and ran smoothly. I was told by a couple of people that it was the smoothest-running conference they'd ever been to. Then Tuesday was a holiday so I used some comp hours on Monday and had a 4 day weekend! We didn't really do anything too exciting though...just watched some DVDs and went shopping. My working out/eating was not so good but I'm working on making that better. My half is in 24 days and I need to be properly fueled and trained!!

Well, I've got an after action report to write about the conference so I should get that done and over with!

Today's Plan:
Activity: 3 mile run, 2.5 mile walk this morning
Pre-Workout: 2 tbsp creamer in coffee, Clif bar
Breakfast: 1 cup egg beaters with green peppers, 1 banana
Lunch: Turkey and hummus sandwich, baggie of veggies, yogurt with pomengranate seeds, another banana
Dinner: leftovers--me thinks cheese quesadilla, salad, rice and beans

Sunday Catch Up

Sorry all for not blogging and commenting much last week...I have a conference I'm in charge of at work this week so things were slightly crazy.

I did a 10 mile run yesterday. It was rough. Last week's 9 miles was fantastic but this week's 10 miles were just rough. I forgot my fuel belt at work so I had no water and no jelly beans (for a quick sugar rush mid-run)...not good. But I did 10 miles and today I'm not sore at all so that's good. I also did not sleep well at all the night before so I know that has something to do with how I felt during the run. I'm going to the apartment gym here in a bit to do the elliptical and some lifting.

Stephen's gone this weekend and I have slept horribly while he's gone. Usually I do just fine because I like having the extra bed room but this time it's been horrible. I wake up every hour or so and turn the TV on then the TV wakes me up...anyways it's been rough sleeping. I'm glad he's coming home tonight just so I can sleep!

My eating also hasn't been great and I know it's because I haven't been sleeping well. But I've got a big pot of homemade chicken noodle soup on the stove for lunches this week and I'm going to make good choices for the rest of the day. Don't know how much I'll be able to blog/comment this week with the conference on Thursday and Friday so have a great week everyone!!