Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Identity

Yesterday was a mental health day for me. I woke up at 4:30 to go workout like usual and just did not have the mental or emotional energy to go to a job that gives me nothing back (I get paid, obviously, but never feel like I've accomplished anything or that my work is appreciated). So I went back to bed and stayed home. Watched the last two episodes of Biggest Loser on Video On Demand, had a great talk with my mom on the phone, went to Trader Joe's and Target to browse, read some of my book, and watched Gilmore Girls (I got the first season as a birthday present from my parents). Very much needed personal time.


I've been struggling lately with creating an identity for myself outside of work. It's why I've been working out so much...I need to show myself that I am successful despite what my boss said in my performance review. I've been reading a book called "Quarterlife Crisis" which is about this rather recent phenomenon of mid-20 people who struggle with finding their careers and determining the direction of their life. I'm finding it very helpful and reassuring that I'm not the only one floundering around a bit.


Anyways, yesterday I was really thinking about my identity. My job isn't who I am, it's only what I do. I come from a family where most everyone is passionate about their jobs and loves what they do for a living. But I think there's a lot of luck involved with ending up in a job you love. For my family, their jobs are a significant part of their identities. It's hard for me to think of a job as just a job, just a way to pay the bills because I spend 40 hours a week at work. But that's what this job is...I'm emotionally and mentally distancing myself from this place. It's the only way I can hold on to my sanity.


I'm working on creating an identity for myself outside of work. I'm not good at compartmentalizing and all the areas of my life just blend together (which some of that is to be expected). I'm learning how to separate work from my happiness in other areas.


And to end on an exercise/food front (since this is that type of blog), I tried the Shred level one Monday morning. I didn't make it too far...I just finished with an hour on the elliptical. My energy was zapped. I need to do the Shred first or on its own.

2 comments:

Jen said...

I think there is a LOT of luck involved in finding your dream job...if everyone could do it, there would be a lot happier people out there...

I don't think your job needs to define you but it does need to make you happy...and yours definitely isn't doing that for you...

I think you do need to figure yourself out...you are a brilliant, wonderful woman and I think you are your own worst critic....I hope this is the year where you find that one thing that just puts you over the moon and makes you realize how absolutely amazing you are!

Pinky said...

The Shred is no joke. I can do most of it but still can't do all of the cardio moves, such as the jumping rope in place, I still have to skip. Keep at it and it will get easier. The #2 works your core even more and more strength. Work on #1 for a while.