Monday, January 5, 2009

Welcome 2009!

Sorry to be so cryptic on my last post...things are better now and I'm feeling much more positive about life in general. It's hard to be upbeat when you despise your workplace. But I can at least make an effort and continue to search for other jobs rather than wallowing in self-pity.

My sister and her hubs were here last week for a few days. We had a lot of fun catching up and seeing some DC sights they hadn't seen. They even took us out for cheesecake one night to celebrate my birthday (which isn't for a few more weeks)! The only bad thing about the trip...Stephen has the flu or some kind of bug now. My sis was around my littlest niece (who has been really sick with the flu) and so we think she brought the bug with her but Stephen might have gotten it somewhere else. Anyways, not so important how Stephen got it. Saturday after we took my sis and bro-in-law to the airport, Stephen slept for several hours. Then yesterday he pretty much stayed in bed all day. Which says a lot about how sick he's feeling b/c even if he's sick, he's still usually up and moving around but yesterday he just laid down all day.

Enough with the sick talk...let's talk about Christmas and New Year's. The two most exciting Christmas presents I got this year were a pair of slippers that feel like heaven (seriously love, love, love them!!) and the Nike + iPod sports kit. You might remember that my MP3 player died a couple of weeks before my sister was getting an iPhone from her hubs for Christmas so she brought me her previously loved iPod to use since she has no use for it now. My mom got me the sports kit (which I knew I was getting b/c I specifically asked for it but I was not any less excited). I tested the kit & iPod out today on my first run of 2009 and I love it!! I've been running with my HRM and I could estimate my pace or distance, depending on what my running plan was for that specific run. But with the kit, it gives me all of that info right there on the iPod screen. So cool!! It will really be beneficial when I start my marathon training in a few weeks since I'm one of those runners that just runs wherever I feel like going...I don't map out a path before leaving. Plus I'd like to work on being faster and having my pace easily accessible will keep me from having a brain explosion trying to do math while running.

Now time for my 2009 Plans. I have an entire page (most are a continuation of things I'm already doing) broken up into different areas of my life which I won't bore you with but I want to share some that are relevant to this blog:

Finish a marathon--on the calendar for April 26, start training on January 19
Complete another half with time < 2:30
Run other local races (10Ks, etc.)

Two 30 minute strength workouts a week

Stretch after each workout
Practice yoga or Pilates once a week

Relationship with myself
Continue with stopping negative self-talk

The last one I'd like to talk a little bit more about...a few months ago I started listening to the things my little voice was saying to me and I was so saddened. They were horrible and cruel!! Things I would never, ever say to anyone and here I was saying them to myself. Why was I talking to myself like that?? No wonder I felt emotionally abused so much...I was abusing myself.

Not to get too deep but I remember hearing my mom talk about herself in such a negative way growing up plus not having the most emotionally supportive childhood...this self talk was a product of those situations. I don't know if I'll ever have children but if I do have a daughter I don't want her to have the relationship I've had with my body and body image.

So I decided that day I was no longer speaking to myself that way...anything my little voice said to me had to be something that I would want my daughter to hear. I broke up with the negative little voice and have met a wonderful replacement, a positive little voice. I've caught the little voice being negative and unencouraging a few times but I stop and think, "Would I want my daughter to hear me say these things about myself?" And every single time the answer's been no. It's still an ongoing process but I have to love and respect myself and my body. I don't know why I thought it was okay to hate my body...if it were another person saying these things to me, I wouldn't stick around and take the abuse so I don't know why I did it to myself but I do know I'm making a change.

Also, I don't know why thinking about a daughter I don't (and my never) have works for me but I suspect it's b/c of hearing my mom talk about herself so negatively for so long (she still does it all the time) and realizing the impact that it's had on me.


Sara said...

I love your goals - esp the negative self talk one. Women are so bad at beating themselves up and we really need to learn to some it (and hey the title of you blog is learning to love me!!).

I know what it is like to hate your job. I have the same issues. Sometimes I feel like I'm being suffocated or drowning I hate it so much. Anyways, I don't talk about it on my blog since I work in the IT world so I never know who could come across it! Anyways, just know how it feels!

Jen said...

I am so happy to hear that you are going to change the negative talk...we can be so hard on ourselves, and really, you wouldn't take that talk from someone else, but we let ourselves get away with it!!!

That's great that you got the Nike kit AND the ipod!!!!!

Fatinah said...

I also got a Nike+ for Christmas and I've been having so much fun with it! I'm glad to hear you like yours.

Good for you for making negative self talk a thing of the past.

Sparky said...

Great post! :)